There’s no cock without fire.

It is very cold in the house now. No radiator in the lounge and I can see my breath, too long in there and i’ll get frost bite on my danglies, I watched it on the TV once, on my last expedition to the Arctic, a guide had his knob chopped off due to frost bite, his cock looked like a badly sun burnt slug that had snorted a value size pack of table salt.

To avoid this kind of episode I set about finding some logs for the fire to warm us up a bit. What was left in the log heap at both the garden centre and the petrol station was old and soggy. Who really wants a wet soggy log, apart from someone with a bad case of piles?

Apparently the local log man had not delivered any dry logs that day so it looked like a cold night ahead, possibly with a hot water bottle down my trousers. I’m no supply chain expert but I reckon that chopping up a tree and putting it in a lorry is not the most complex of processes, and I’m pretty sure we haven’t run out of trees yet as I think it may have appeared on the TV.

Anyway, I would like to thank http://www.blazelogs.com/ who will deliver some dry logs to my door this week so I can avoid any kind of pecker amputation.

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2 Responses to There’s no cock without fire.

  1. Wet, soggy logs are the last thing you’d want if you had piles. Too much wiping required, you see. Better the momentary discomfort of a good hard push than all that wiping.

    Erm. Not that I’d actually know… A friend told me.

  2. The Inkless Thinker says:

    Thanks for the correction. I knew someone that had to poo in the bath whilst he was indiscomfort after an operation. Not sure where piles come from but I hope they stay wherever they are.

    I hope your friend is OK now…

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