Faking It

January 8, 2008

Nobody likes to waste time, unless it’s watching mindless TV, getting wasted in the pub, or surfing the Internet for the latest fetish, eeeer fashion.


There has been a flutter in the Beeb (BBC) recently about “fake” guests being used in competitions such as Blue Peter, where they used floor staff as bogus competition callers to name a cat. Gone are the innocent days when the presenters were labeled as hedonistic cocaine fiends. A precious 90 seconds of my time was wasted the other morning as I sat down with my whole meal toast to BBC Breakfast. (I put myself on the clock to see how fast I can eat my toast to maximize sleeping time)


“So Dr Macleod” says Fiona Bruce, “what is the main conclusion drawn from your 18 month study about children being let outdoors on their own?”


“Well” answers the Dr (looking rather sheepish).. “The main conclusion was that children, who are let out, tend to be spending more time outdoors than those who are not”.


I’ve heard more useful uttering’s from a drunken tramp I once accidentally stepped on as he rolled about in the gutter. In 18 months I could come up with at least a whole book worth of plagiarised material.


I look forward to his study next year.. ‘White Lightening Cider, is it an ASBO inducing superfood?’ My mind boggles as to what the correlation might be.